I recently came across a blog post that got me really fired up. The post was on a website that bashed popular fashion bloggers. You might have heard of it.
The post was titled “It’s not slutty, it’s called “personal style”, duh.” It bashed popular blogger Karla from Karla’s Closet – now I don’t read her blog but I sure as heck am about to defend her right now. The offending picture?
The article read:
Well, I think that’s mean because sluts have personal style too, and they’re easily recognizable because of it.
Now, hold your horses people, I’m not saying Karla is a slut, but she sure does look like a streetwalker in that picture.
Woah. Since when does slut equal prostitute? Last time I checked, it doesn’t. Prostitutes come in all forms and, of course, wear different types of clothing. Just because someone is wearing something revealing does not make it okay to call them a slut (or prostitute).
Women should be allowed to wear anything they want. Nobody can tell a woman what is or isn’t appropriate to wear. All that matters is that said woman is comfortable wearing whatever it is she’s wearing. End of story.
If you think I’m being hypocritical, fellow feminists, because I’ve written on the issue of modesty before, but, well… I don’t have an excuse. I tried not to be slut-shame-y in that post, but no matter what, if you’re writing pro-modesty, it’s going to come off at least a little slut-shame-y.
(I would like to add, in response to a comment on the post linked above (you’ll se the one I am talking about) It is not up to women to help curb men’s sexual ‘urges.’ I found a quote on Tumblr once about the ‘myth of the slut’ – it said that we punish women for dressing provocatively and thinking sex is good and all that by calling them sluts, while we assume men are naturally prone to having more lust than women. This hurts women. Women have lust and ‘urges’ too. If we can handle them, why don’t we expect men to do the same?)
I'm going to address your two points in reverse if I may.
ReplyDeleteThere absolutely is an expectation among anyone with strong male role models growing up that men not only can handle themselves on issues of sexual attraction, but are required to do so in order to be proper gentlemen. Unfortunately, we have strong media messages that promote popular males who do not control themselves, and those same messages fail to take them to task for it. In fact, these popular males do all sorts of unsavory actions, but they are so hyped up that if there is no strong male role model in the immediate vicinity, these are the male "role models" that boys and young men look to for the idea of what "man" means. Other young males who are not heterosexual or non-gender normative can manage to avoid internalising these messages because it is contrary to their sense of identity, but for a heterosexual, gendernormative young man, it can be difficult to ascertain correct gentlemanly behavior when no gentlemen are present in their lives. Whether it is the case of a father, an uncle, a pastor, a neighbor, there must be a strong male role model for both young men and young women to understand what "being a man" is and how it differs from the messages they get from media.
Slut-shaming is identical to victim-blaming, and let's simply understand that right from the get go. The underlying concept of both is that the woman is "asking for it," according to what she wears. This is not the same as stylistic criticism based on the idea of "modesty" or "appropriateness," both of which I strongly support. Therefore, I call into question your claim about "appropriate" and its relativity. Slut-shaming is something different, and those who practice it are not at all interested in advising on how to put forward a professional or well organised outfit. They are interested only in stemming the tide of gender equality or putting down the person they choose to "slut-shame" for their own self-esteem, or even both at the same time.
Poor Karla. What you do in the bedroom has nothing to do with your personal style or what you wear on your blog. I saw a prostitute on tv last night who worked by the hour. She was greeting her customers in sweats and a pony tail! Definitely no such thing a prostitute uniform or slut wear.
ReplyDeleteSophia
http://lasophialasophia.blogspot.com
Karla has nice legs! She should keep showing them off, I am sure she works hard to keep them that way. (or walk a lot) In any case, I think people like to dump thier own issues on others. So when they look for, and find pictures of women not hiding nice figures, that's their ammo. If they looked for women in loose, body concealing clothing, the women would be prudes. You can't win either way. Now that's a shame.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I hate that blog so much! I don't really understand what's the author's problem but I'd say envy... I read Carla's blog and it's great! She has an amazing style and is a real inspiration!
ReplyDeleteXoXo
Plami
http://fashion-thrill.blogspot.com/
I think it is nice to appreciate modesty and I might rather it from a personal taste standpoint, but I whole-heartedly think that we cannot assume anyone's sexual behavior based on what they wear (or don't wear). It is simply a matter of style and thank goodness we don't all have the same exact taste.
ReplyDeleteI agree that women absolutely have lusty urges too and it is wrong to assume they don't. perhaps we express it less because the minute we do, someone is there to call us a slut and then the cycle continues.
Awesome post - thanks for bringing up the subject!
AMEN! Thanks so much for writing this! I sometimes feel my outfits are too provocative or short, but my fellow bloggers tell me it's fine; it goes with my style and anyone with any knowledge of fashion would be able to tell I'm fashionable and not a hooker. I completely agree with what you said about prositutes coming in all styles but that doesn't mean bloggers are them!
ReplyDeleteXO Sahra
EffortlessCool
Agreed. People who judge someone's integrity and morality based on a pair of shorts are really the one's we should be concerned with. If Karla is comfortable wearing a pair of adorablely tiny floral shorts, that's her decision. We all like and feel comfortable wearing different things. There's no right or wrong here. Attacking someone so aggressively based on an outfit decision is, however (in my opinion), wrong.
ReplyDeletewww.JUSTsomethingspecial.com
you are so right. Few things make me angrier than slut shaming. There's something to be said for modesty, but that's a personal choice.
ReplyDeletere: men and their urges, my track-running friend told me an interesting story the other day. A girl on a high school track team was wearing the track uniform (little tiny spandex... pretty standard) and had a false start on her race because boys behind her were making comments about her ass. The school's solution? Put the girls in "running skirts" so that the boys wouldn't be thusly tempted.
Why wasn't the solution to punish the boys (and teach them to respect women)? Same phenomenon.
Well said.
ReplyDelete